It has happened to all of us to meet people in our lives who are more ‘’strong’’ personalities and always try to do things their own way. The problem begins, however, when these people are unsatisfied with what they get and want more from others. But, how can you say if someone is manipulative and tries to take advantage of you?
Even though there is not a standard characteristic that can define someone as manipulative, there are 3 common personality types, that should raise a red flag once you meet them.
”if you don’t do this, something bad will happen…”
”Punishers” threaten their ‘victims’ with any possible negative consequence they can think of until they get that ‘yes’ to their wills. For example, your boss may threatens to fire you if you don’t work more and faster; your boyfriend may tell you that he will hurt himself or you or someone you love if you leave him. Your ”best” friend may threaten to expose all the secrets you confided to them if you make new friends, etc.
”if you do this, I promise to give you that…”
In order to get what they want from their victims, bribers suggest an exchange. This way, they want to be seen as fair persons who care about others rather than as manipulators. In most cases, though, when bribers achieve their goals, they do not keep either their promises or claim that they forgot to do what they promised and promise again to do it in the future.
For example, your boss promises you’ll be the next general manager if you work harder to bring more clients but when it comes the moment of your promotion , the position goes to someone else and you been left with the ”You’ll have another chance in the future. Keep up the good work…!” Sounds familiar?
”i sacrificed this and that for your own good and you want to….?”
This is the No1 phrase be said during family quarrels. Parents, usually mothers, ”remind’ their children of all the things that they have done for them so far and how much they will suffer if their children choose to move in other house or how difficult it will be for them to deal with loneliness…
Having family and raising children is a conscious decision of grownups. When they make the decision to have family, they are aware of all the ”sacrifices” they may need to do in order to raise their children. So, what’s the point to refer to their families’ wellness like it was a crucifixion? The ”sufferers” are not only parents, though. It may be other close relatives such as siblings or spouses or it could also be an employer.
Once you spot someone trying to manipulate you, you should defend your rights as soon as possible before this person’s influence gains momentum toward you.
Keep manipulators at bay!
Either at work or family, people who use others in order to serve their own interests focus mainly to other people’s weaknesses. The more someone knows about you and your weaknesses the easiest for them to use these vulnerabilities against you.
Attack is the best form of defense! I don’t mean physical attack but rather, the ”personality” attack. During your personality attack show the others:
- how strong your fundamental beliefs are
- how well aware you are of your rights
- how unwilling you are to suppress yourself to please others
- how your NO means NO and you are not afraid of saying it if you think others take advantage of your kindness
- how well you feel with yourself for having different opinions from others
- how much you care about your health and your wellbeing overall
- how you put priorities in your life
- how nice it is for you to make new friends and leave from relationships that don’t have any positive impact in your life!
- how much you care about your job and your professional profile and how much it matters for you to have your efforts recognised. “i work hard and i expect from you to recognize it; if you don’t, i’ll look for a better employer” That simple.
Even if you hadn’t implement such practices in the past, now with so much exploitation of human rights almost everywhere, it’s time to change your mind.
Don’t be an open book ready to be read by anyone because, this may be used against you in the end. Keep the vulnerable aspects of yourself hidden, especially at the workplace and always keep in mind that you have the right to choose the people you want in your life!