We have been raised to be kind to others, to apologize when we do something wrong and to say yes not because we really want to but, to satisfy others, instead. But, nobody has taught us what to do when others take advantage of these kind feelings and good intentions.
You are also a human being with many needs, you also want the freedom to do the things the way you want to and you also deserve to treat yourself fairly and nicely, the same way as you do with the others. So, if you are one of those people who neglect themselves for the sake of others, you should take a step forward and make a positive change in your life. Change the way you treat yourself and NEVER apologize for doing things that make you feel better.
Don’t apologize if you want to…
Go to bed early
Even though it is very exciting going out with friends and family or to spend time with your boyfriend/girlfriend or to watch your favorite Tv serial, it is absolutely normal to feel tired and to want to go to bed early. Just because you want to sleep early does not mean that you are getting older or that you do not enjoy the company of your loved ones any more.
We run stressful and difficult lives, full of obligations and duties and, being tired at the end of the day should be something your people understand and respect. When they are tired, they do the same thing without thinking about you so, why do you have to apologize for wanting to rest your body and mind? If they do not understand your need to go to bed early, it is their problem – not yours.
Admit it! You say ‘yes’ to almost everyone for not be seen as rude. You say ‘yes’ to your family because you feel obliged to them (they’re family after all) and because you don’t want to hurt them. You say ‘yes’ to your boss because either you are afraid of being redundant or you want to be promoted. You always say ‘yes’ to your friends’ invitation probably because you don’t want them to feel that you neglect them.
If you say ‘yes’ to everyone’s needs, when do you find time for yours? Why don’t you try to say the magic word ‘NO’?
‘No’, is a powerful word that can protect you from undertaking more burdens than you can handle. Why to press yourself trying to satisfy others, when you can say a simple ‘no’ and do something for yourself?
You do not have to be rude; a plain ”no, I’m afraid I can’t…” is kind enough and stress-free! Remember how it was when you were a kid and you didn’t want to do what others told you..back then, you didn’t have any problem to say ”no” to the things you didn’t like…remember?
You are a hard working person who tries to do so many different things every day and who spend so much time with so many different people that your mind and body wants desperately to get some rest. Don’t be afraid of taking some days off to relax. You’re not going to spend a fortune and others will survive without you for a few days. Pick a nice place, somewhere you wanted to go and bon voyage!
Detox from toxic people!
Either they’re your friends or family or colleagues or boyfriends/girlfriends, having toxic people in your life, full of negativity and criticism, not only harms your well-being but it also causes you more problems where there shouldn’t be any.
Never feel guilty for cutting off the bonds with people who don’t bring anything positive in your life. It is usually a bit difficult to cut those bonds, mainly because your connection with toxic people has lead you to low self-esteem and the notion that you need them in your life – actually, this is how toxic people manipulate others- but, the sooner you get them out of your life the better for you. Do not feel sorry about them because they did not have good intentions for you anyway and, probably they were jealous of you.
Once you realize how much joy and happiness you miss from life because you were connected with the wrong people, you will never make the same mistake again. Do not be afraid of changes! There is no progress in any part of your life if there are no changes! Close a door to open a new one…
Miss a call or reply to that email later
You have millions of things to think and do every day and, not only that, you have the phone ringing like crazy and your inbox filled in with unread emails! Ok, technology brings people closer together but, when this ”closing” happens 24/7 then, it inevitably adds to your stress.
For all of us who ‘survived’ the era where there was not mobile phone and internet connection, having our smartphone ringing at a time we don’t be in mood to answer or checking our inbox for dozens of emails, it feels a bit stressful! Take it easy! It is not compulsive to answer that call or reply to that email right now. So, stop apologizing to others for your ”late response” or giving excuses for the missing calls. Your smartphone should not be the extension of your hand!
Take some time for yourself!
Ask whoever doctor you want; you will get the same answer. It is very important to spend some time alone as this is your natural medicine to your anxiety. When you are alone, you are not distracted by other people’s thoughts and problems thus, it is easier for you to clear up your mind from useless information and put your thoughts and feelings in the correct order. Taking some time alone is vital for your mental health.
Put yourself above the others for once!
It is neither selfish nor arrogant to give priority to YOUR needs instead of taking care the others first and put yourself last. Living a good life and thriving in it goes hand by hand with you, being and feeling well. If there is no balance in your life, either in professional or personal level, your physical and mental state of health will be negatively affected. Supposing you have all the good intentions to help others, if you don’t feel well with yourself then, how will you be able to support others’ needs?
It doesn’t matter how you have been raised. What it does matter, though, is to learn to love and respect yourself and your needs. Do not expect from others to do so; rarely others put their needs aside to please us. Stop apologizing for doing things that make you feel better and showing your real self and, you will be free from all those situations and people that halt your personal progress!