Do you love someone for your convenience or because you really have feelings about them?
‘‘If you are not a good kid, I will not love you”. This is how we usually take our first lessons about love. Our family and society itself has taught us that we need to abide by the rules in order to be loved by others. We have also been taught about the ”good” things we need to do to express our love to someone. But, is this the right way to give and receive love?
What is love? Have you ever thought about the real meaning of love? Does love have a unique definition or do we give our personal definition to love? If each one of us perceives love differently then, how is it possible to be emotionally connected with each other? What if we have been taught to love with the wrong way? Even though this is not our fault, but those who taught us, instead, it seems that we prefer to follow the convenient way than trying to face reality.
No matter what messages about love we have received so far, it is always in our hands to make our choices and discover the real meaning of giving and receiving love; the meaning, which is truly connected with our happiness and our lives. This is entirely our responsibility.
‘’This is the way I love…’’ This phrase bares so much selfishness, personal benefits and convenience but yet, we have been taught that it is ok to love someone with our way without thinking about the real needs of others or even our deeper needs. It is nice to have someone taking care of us, to offer us nice things, to make us feel good and unique; we translate all these as ‘love’. And, it is love indeed, unless the other person gives us all that out of fear or possessiveness.
However, what is our way of love? Do we express our affection with the same way we receive it or do we simply rest in our laurels knowing the other person loves for both of us? How can we be sure about the value of what we receive if we do not give anything back?
You may feel emotional security and pleasure when you receive what you have in your mind as ‘love standards’ but, for how long can these standards cover your deeper needs? The satisfaction of taking what you want from others, that you call it ”love”, will not last for too long.
Love does not include selfishness, grudge, fear, jealously, negative thoughts, frozen feelings. If you live a period of happiness because you have abide by other people’s rules or, because you love others with what seems to you convenient, you simply fool yourself!
What you have been building for years under the umbrella of convenience and selfishness, sooner or later, is going to collapse.
Trying to patronize people around you simply does not help you to evolve as a personality
It does not fill in your emotional gaps since it does not cover your deeper needs. This way, you simply keep them asleep but, when you wake up one day, you will realize that the way you give and receive love should change, whether you like it or not. Remember that nobody else than you knows better your deeper needs for love and affection.
Real love does not follow ‘terms and conditions’. Love is the tree of life and its branches are all the good emotions that exist on this world. For real love is impossible to exist without freedom, joy, forgiveness, patience, persistence, understanding, respect, hope, care, affection, companionship, truth, courage and so many other positive emotions!
What is the point of speaking many languages if you cannot speak the most important one, the language of love?
What does it matter how near or far you live from your people, if you don’t really care about them?
You may have said the phrase ‘I loved this person so much’, and now what? Did this love have an expiration day? Love does not expire. If you think better about it, you may conclude that what you felt about this person was not love at all but other feelings instead, such as enthusiasm, admiration or you may overvalued this person. You may have thought that this person met your ” love terms and conditions” but suddenly you realized he did not. Love does not have terms and conditions and cannot lose its meaning.
The real meaning of love exists in the past, in the present and it will be always there in the future for everyone who wants to share real feelings. Everything is possible for love; to give second chances, to forgive and move forward. Love is not ‘too much’ or ‘too little’. Love is love. It gives without expecting to receive something back. The person who knows to love with the right meaning of love feels thankful, blessed and fulfilled every time they express their good feelings. They do not ask for more from others; they simply give because they feel good this way.
Try to treat people around you having in mind the real meaning of love and you will not only have given them an example of what love means but, you will have also make a step forward to your personal mental and emotional development!
Manos Zervakis, Writer / Coach
Translated by Sotia Bella